How Even Workaholic Bosses Can Promote Workplace Self Care

workplace self care

I woke up this Monday morning and thought to myself: “Awesome! I got a lot done this weekend because we didn’t have any company.

Seriously Joan?

We are now well into the first summer after a terrifying pandemic in which seeing friends and family—typically an antidote for terror—was actually risky.

Now fully vaxxed, my house on the Jersey shore has been filled with the sounds of laughter, kids splashing in the pool, sandy feet, and corn on the cob.

In fact, here’s a picture of the remaining Garry originals after a hearty 4th of July dinner:

How great to be with people again!

With this image in mind, how could not having company be something to celebrate?

Well, when you’re a workaholic, having company interferes with your weekend activities. I know many of you will actually know exactly what I mean.

After all, I coach clients all the time on how their workaholic tendencies create cultures of stress in their organizations. Say all you want about how you promote workplace self care, but if you have ever sent an email at 5:55am on a Saturday, you have obliterated your credibility on the topic.

But I also know that you are overworked and that there might be reasons why you work odd hours. That’s why I’m writing this post. (I’m also writing it to remind myself to SNAP OUT OF IT!)

I have the simplest of tricks for you to try that I learned from my nephew during our wonderful 4th of July weekend together. This quick tip will help you encourage a culture of understanding and promote self care in your workplace.

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Balance Sheet? Income Statement? But I’m Not a Numbers Person!

hating the balance sheet

Thirty years ago, when I was an executive at Showtime Networks, I worked to get a pay-per-view business off the ground. Crunching numbers was a part of my work. I was not a CPA and did not have an MBA. Never took a class on budgeting or balance sheets.

And yet, for some reason, numbers have never made me anxious. In fact I was quite good at helping other execs make sense of the numbers. So good, in fact, that I was deployed for nine months to educate the members of the finance department on how to bring the numbers to life – to make them matter to the heads of business units – so they could make better decisions based on the stories the numbers told.

Ooops. I think I just leaked the moral of this story, the lesson in this post.

Have you ever felt the “heaviness of the lids”? I bet you have.

You know, that dozing sensation you get when you listen to a budget or finance presentation? That feeling that leads you to daydream about that thing you have to do for that person that you forgot to do yesterday?

Yeah, that. Let’s cure that once and for all. It’s time to get serious about bringing numbers to life.
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Is Your To-Do List Mocking You?

to-do list

Cindy Pereira basically runs my business.

She also produces my podcast and entertains me all day long. And I’m really lucky. I know it.

To know Cindy is to know that she is ambitious, and she gets more done in a day than any human I know.

But there are still things she just doesn’t get to.

One day I’m at her desk and a reminder pops up on her screen. Just two words:

Write novel.

I was weak with laughter. She returns to the office and I can’t even talk, I’m laughing so hard. I point to the reminder. She says, “Oh yeah, I have had that daily reminder for like years.”

Today I am not going to talk about your big hairy audacious aspiration and how to get it done.

I want to talk about those things on your to-do list that just keep showing up. They have been there for what feels like years. They never make it to the top of the list. You’re not putting them off because they are super hard, like “Call angry donor”.

These are regular things you are supposed to do. Every time you look at the to-do list they are there. Right where you want them.

At the bottom of the list.

For me, it’s “Update Database Contacts”. I see it on the list and I swear it’s staring back at me, judging me. I try to ignore it.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

If I asked you if they were important, you’d say “Yes, BUT”. Yes, BUT I first need to focus on the IMPORTANT stuff higher up on the to-do list. And it happens again tomorrow. And the day after. The week after. The YEAR after.

Is there a way out? You can’t just take it off the list. You can’t really delegate it either. The task matters and you’re the one who has to do it.

Can you imagine how amazing it will feel to be able to cross one of these off?

I have some advice. I have conquered one of these beasts recently – cleaning up my contact database – and I believe my recipe could really help you.

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It’s Time We Stop Treating Tech As Overhead

tech as overhead

I’m moderating a panel at an upcoming conference sponsored by Salesforce. They have some serious star power at this conference. Dr. Jane Goodall, Leslie Odom Jr, Amal Clooney.

And me.

Trying to squelch my imposter syndrome I recorded a panel last week with some fabulous nonprofit leaders. I was asked to moderate and we talked about tech.

We talked about what the nonprofit sector learned about tech in 2020 and what leaders need to do with that lesson in 2021.

In a prep conversation, I told the panelists about a client who, pre-pandemic, saw tech as being under the Director of Operations on the org chart along with HR and Finance. But as he moved through 2020, he saw that virtual learning was a vital part of his programmatic offerings and always should have been. By year end, his young and creative tech guy was a member of the senior team.

Time for a rant and a call to action.

We have pigeonholed tech as an operations function for way way too long. And because of how we have seen it, funders have seen it that way. Under that four letter word that is actually eight letters, OVERHEAD.

So today, let’s talk about one of the biggest things that should NEVER EVER go back to the way things were in our sector. Treating tech as overhead.

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Do You Have an “Oil Can” Problem?

oil can problem

One aspect of 2020 that I think is overlooked is that the year brought out the adrenaline junkie that lives at or just below the surface of every nonprofit leader. The fixer, the problem solver, the person prepared to do whatever it takes.

My clients and members of our Nonprofit Leadership Lab are heroic every day but never more than the 365 days (or if you are a musical theatre fan, 525,600 minutes) of 2020. (Yes, I realize 2020 was a leap year, but I refuse to give it any more days. 2020 was long enough!)

You fixed, you problem solved, you leaped tall buildings in single bounds (nod to your Superman tendencies).

How are you feeling right about now?

A few months into a year in which you are probably feeling more optimistic (nothing like seeing ‘shots in arms’ to offer a shot in the arm for all of us).

But you’re really really tired right?

My daughter Kit had febrile seizures as a toddler that demanded an ambulance and an E.R. visit. Fortunately she grew out of them after age 3 but when they happened, they were scary as hell and we did whatever it took to keep Kit calm.

Not just Kit – her twin brother and her older sister too. We tried our best to keep calm while Kit’s seizure was on full display. We learned the drill and an ice bath in the E.R. settled things down quickly. We’d head home.

And Kit was all smiles, we’d tuck her into bed. And then Eileen (my wife) and I would fall totally and completely apart.

But not before having some kind of argument with each other about who knows what. Or going way overboard, criticizing our other kids about something that could barely qualify as inappropriate or even worth noting.

I see this behavior in my clients. Lots of misbehavior, uncivilized behavior towards one another, lots of misdirected anger. The craziness at home is now beginning to feel even more intolerable now that we can see glimmers of light about where 2021 might end.

It’s like me and Eileen after Kit was tucked into bed all smiles.

We were big ol’ messes.

I have some advice. Definitely not about parenting. But about how to lead when the adrenaline rush wears off. And about what I call an “oil can” problem.

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Don’t Start the New Year Without Having 3 Important Conversations First

important conversations

One very hot summer afternoon, we took our eldest daughter, Scout, to a local circus. She was maybe 3 and had slept during the ride there. We took this adorable sweaty groggy kid into a really noisy tent, paid for our three tickets, bought some popcorn and took our seats.

It was exciting. Well we were excited – she was dazed and confused.

Until… the first act. Out rolls a cannon. A man climbs in. Another man detonates the pretend wick and BBBBBOOOOOM. The man flies out of the cannon and lands in a net some distance away.

Scout reacted with sheer terror; as if she herself had been ejected from the bleachers. She ran as fast as she could out of the tent. Followed by her two mothers certain she had been scarred for life by a well-intended afternoon at the circus.

Once she had calmed down and started breathing again, she asked a single question. And then she asked it again. And again. And again. For the entire ninety minute ride home.

Her question was simple. “Why’d they shoot dat guy out da cannon?”

And presumably our answers simply were not cutting it. Answers like, “People think it’s fun,” or “That’s what circus performers do,” fell on deaf ears. These answers offered no solace.

In her quite logical mind, the whole thing seemed unfathomable. Someone suggested to ‘dat guy’ that he get into that cannon so that it could be detonated and ‘dat guy’ could fly through the air into a net that was really far away.

And ‘dat guy’ said YES.

Are you wondering where I am going with this? It’s not a story about what lousy parents we are. It’s a story about ‘dat guy.’ And it’s a story about you.

You have just returned from some kind of holiday break after one of the most tragic and terrifying years in American history. Maybe you took a legit break and maybe there was a novel or a board game or an extra nap. And now you are back at work.

You open your laptop and before you is an imaginary cannon. And you are ‘dat guy’

You can agree to begin 2021 by making an intentional decision to be shot out of a cannon. Endless to-do’s. Everything is a priority. So much noise. Stress. Anxiety.

Or… you can take a different path. Today, I’ll offer you suggestions about three very important conversations you need to have this month.

And I’ll give you one piece of advice before we get started.

Say no to the cannon.
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The Nonprofit Sector is the Biggest Source of Leadership in the World

nonprofit leadership

During my senior year of college, I was the dorm director on duty the night a student fell from the window of his thirteen story dorm room. Everything about that evening was terrifying, starting with four dorm directors who were no older than the young man who fell to his death.

I could have been paralyzed by imposter syndrome but the moment demanded something more.

I’m also terribly squeamish and pass out nearly every time my doctor points me toward Quest Diagnostics. But that night the moment demanded courage. I summoned it.

And so Joan Garry, Johnny MacNamara, Matt O’Connor and Jim Kelly (yes, Fordham University was crawling with the Irish) – the four senior leaders on duty that night became a team and turned into the leaders that the students on campus needed us to be. Johnny led the way – the incident happened in his dorm, but we led with him. Long into the night and in the days that followed.

We were not trained in crisis services; we did what we knew to be right. We comforted our fellow students, we opened our doors to the many who just needed to talk. We led, each in our own way.

I remember thinking a few days later that I never once felt squeamish. In this crisis, there was no place for that. It wasn’t what leaders do.

I learned so much about leadership this year – where to find it and what it looks like.

As we close out what may be the most devastating year we have experienced in my lifetime, I’d like to share with you what I have learned about nonprofit leadership in a time of crisis, and why I believe that the nonprofit sector is actually the biggest source of leadership in the world today.

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A Small Nonprofit That Thinks Really Big

small nonprofit stories

Emily Klehm, the Executive Director of South Suburban Humane Society, asked me a question that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Why do you think so many women won’t leave abusive relationships?

I responded the way you might expect. Fear of the unknown. Codependency. Lack of money.

And those are all important reasons. But then she told me another one. In fact, apparently it’s one of the biggest reasons. And my jaw dropped.

Many women won’t leave abusive relationships because they won’t leave their pets.

AN ANIMAL SHELTER WITH A BIG VISION

Listeners of my podcast might remember Emily. In an episode called “Anatomy of a Crisis,” we talked about how a staffer of hers had reported that she had been held up at gunpoint and a dog had been abducted. And then the staffer went missing. The story got weirder and weirder.

Emily gave us a master class on navigating an organizational crisis and how to come through even stronger. This was an amazing episode and I strongly suggest you listen to it, if you haven’t already.

I caught up with Emily several months ago and learned that her tiny nonprofit had a new and outsized vision. And that she received a $6 million grant to bring that vision to life. Yes, I said $6 million.

Game changer.

So, you don’t get $6mm without a big vision. Wanna hear about it?

Spoiler alert: it’s really big, really innovative, and yes, it involves helping victims of domestic violence.Continue Reading

The Day After

They say that patience is a virtue. I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but I have never been entirely onboard with that. The reason is pretty simple.

Because nonprofit staff, board, volunteers, donors – I believe them to be society’s real heroes. Heroes like you. I consider you virtuous. But patient? Not so much.

Allow me to tease this out for you. For as long as you can remember, you’ve been unable to sit on the sidelines. You have been propelled to jump on the field. It may have started early on. Maybe you stood up for someone being bullied. Or shared your lunch at school with someone who said they forgot it (but you knew better).

I know you because I have been you. And in my work to fuel and feed your leadership, I feel this same sense of impatience. If I come up with one piece of practical advice in a private coaching session, I am a woman with a mission to share that advice in a blog post with you. Sometimes I can barely wait.

So I get it.

And I know you do too. Impatience fuels you, doesn’t it? In a way, it’s your superpower. It drives you to advocate for a cause, right a wrong, help a neighbor, level the playing field, fight for what is fair and just. Patient? Not you. Otherwise you might have sat on the sidelines instead of jumping on the field. This kind of work DEMANDS impatience.

Yes, impatience is your superpower.

Just not today.

Today, the day after a Presidential election that is too close to call, you need patience. And a big healthy dose of it. You went to bed not knowing. You woke up not knowing. And we are in for more not knowing.

It’s uncomfortable and unsettling. I’m sorry. I know you don’t live easily in this space. Me neither.

So my post today is not long and not complicated. I’m writing it because it might help you. And if I write it down, maybe I’ll help myself too. Because I’m struggling with staying patient today.Continue Reading

No Virginia, Development Directors Don’t Do ALL the Work

development directors

Hello my fellow nonprofit superheroes! Today, let’s take a very brief quiz.

There’s just one question.

Please read the following statements and put a mental check mark next to any you’ve heard somebody say. If you’ve heard something close, that counts too.

____ Board member: “We finally have a development person! Wonderful! Now they can stop hounding me for money!

____ Board recruiter to prospective board member: “Yes, technically there is a fundraising obligation, but don’t sweat it. We have an awesome development person.”

____ Development Committee Chair: “Our primary role is to monitor the fundraising efforts of the staff to make sure we hit our goals.”

____ Lead Program Officer: “My development director wants me to go out on an ask? Doesn’t she know how busy I am???

____ Executive Director: “I don’t get it. Why is my new development manager always at her desk? Shouldn’t she be out asking for money?

Ok, quiz time is over. Just the one question. I meant it.

So how many check marks did you make? More than one?

If you checked any of them at all, you have some rather unreasonable expectations for your development directors and I have a few important thoughts to share with you.
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